It’s been almost 20 years since the witty romantic comedy – When Harry Met Sally – explored the still debatable question- “Can women and men be friends?”
There are those who say ‘No’. Heterosexual men and women can’t be true friends. Blame the hormones! Attribute it to jealousy from a spouse. Point the finger at the predatory nature of men (and aggressive women) who “want only one thing”. Or simply remember that men and women come from different planets and interplanetary friendships have never worked.
Despite the naysayers, what does the research show and what do the experts say? Since I am one of the experts (this was my dissertation topic) and have just finished an interview on “Voices in the Family”, an NPR radio show with Dr. Dan Gottlieb, I’d like to share my findings with you.
Despite the stories of Harry & Sally and Chandler & Monica, men and women can be friends without the relationship transitioning into a sexual one.
In Jane Austen’s time, when men and women lived in separate worlds, their primary attraction to each other was romantic or sexual. In today’s world, however, men and women live, work and play together. They are fellow students, colleagues, committee members, bridge partners, tennis partners and more. This cultural shift has created a new norm in which people generally keep their sexual involvement and friendships separate.
i think it can